I can’t say I’m proud of my life, but I can say I’m proud that I’ve learned. I’ve learned that I can’t rely on everyone, but I can’t expect everyone to hurt me either. I know some things don’t work out, but I know everything has been for the better. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to walk around with a smile. But I know where I’ve been, and where I’m going. I know who I am and who my friends are. I’ve had some tough stuff thrown at me, but I’ve gotten by. I’m not one to complain, so I’ll keep trying. And in the end, I’ll know I did my best.

Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry? And didn’t you wish that you could go back in time when everything was simpler and carefree? Those are the songs that are the soundtracks of our lives…the ones that bring back our childhoods, best friends, first love, first broken heart, and the memories.

Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry? And didn’t you wish that you could go back in time when everything was simpler and carefree? Those are the songs that are the soundtracks of our lives…the ones that bring back our childhoods, best friends, first love, first broken heart, and the memories.

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

I think it’s great for two people to be together. That is a good number. I think, that to keep it alive though, you can’t spend every day together. It wears out the magic, Love means nothing to me if it’s not fortified with fierce, painful longing, brief explosive instances of furious passion and intimacy and then a sad parting for a time. In that way, you can give your life to it and still have a life of your own. I think some couples spend too much time together. They flatten out the potential for experience by constant closeness. Passion builds over time like steam. Let it rage until it’s exhausted and then leave it alone to let it build up again. Why can’t love be insane and distorted? How can it be vital if it has the same threshold as normal day-to-day experience? Why can’t you write burning letters and let your nocturnal self smolder with desire for one who is not there? Why not let the days before you see her be excruciating and ferment in your mind so on the day you go to the airport to pick her up, you’re nearly sick with anticipation? And then when desire shows the first sign of contentment, throw it back it its cage and let it slowly build itself back into a state of starved fury. Then when you are together, it all matters. So that when you look into her eyes, you lose your balance, so that when she touches you, it feels like you have never been touched before. When she says your name, you think it was she who named you. When she has gone, you bury your face in the pillow to smell her hair and you lie awake at night remembering your face in her neck, her breathing and the amazing smell of her skin. Your eyes go wet because you want her so bad and miss her so much. Now that is worth the miles and the time. That matches the inferno of life. Otherwise you poison each other with your presence day after day as you drag each other through the inevitable mundane aspects of your lives. That is the slow death that I see slapped on faces everywhere I go. It’s part of the world’s sadness that’s more empty than cold, poorly lit rooms in cities of the American night.

When we’re headed toward an outcome that’s too horrible to face, that’s when we go looking for a second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But sometimes, it can shed new light on the problem, make you see it in a whole new way. After all the opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered, you finally find what you’re after - the truth. But the truth isn’t where it ends, that’s just where you begin again with a whole new set of questions.

I want someone who I can tell all my secrets to. I want someone who won’t judge me for the mistakes I’ve made and the mistakes I continue to make. I want someone who will understand me. I want someone to hear me out, not just listen. I want someone who says good night to me and prays to God that they’ll get the chance to say good morning. I want someone who will accept me for who I am, despite all my flaws. I want someone who will wipe my tears away and make me smile when I’m down. I just want someone who loves me.

The hardest part of this whole situation is that neither of us knows what’s going on. Neither of us knows what each other’s thinking and we’re both trying to make decisions based on information we don’t know. I’m scared to tell you my feelings just in case you don’t feel the same way.

i remember all the late night talks and all the words I was comfortable saying to him, but I never would have been able to say to anyone else. I remember all the songs that take me back and make me smile. I remember all the promises we both knew would be broken. I remember all the moments he took my breath away and how he knew more about me than I thought anyone could. I remember the games we played, because we talked so much we couldn’t think of anything to say. I still think about the kind of person I must be to have thrown that all away.